Sunday, February 3, 2008
Observations of My Dad During the Super Bowl
My dad is sitting/laying on the couch across the room. He has his leg up on the couch and his remote in his right hand. Leaning on his left arm with is hand raised, holding a veggie platter, with a round bowl of ranch sauce, periodically putting down the remote to grab a carrot and dip it into the ranch. Now my mom reaches over to take the platter from him, and he replaces it with a napkin, slowly crumpling it in his hand. He continues to chew, and smack his lips several times after swallowing. Now he raises his hand resting it on the top of his head, always with eyes forward. As a commercial comes on he begins to laugh. Still, minutes after the last bite, he continues to lick and pick his teeth with his tongue, smacking his lips, and making noises. He then reaches his hand down from his head to scratch his chin. The platter is then passed across the room. After two minutes he slowly slides off the couch onto his knees and scuttled over to the platter to get another bite. Then he reversed the action and found his way back onto the couch, in almost the same position, only this time resting his right leg over the arm of the couch. As a catch was caught, his foot began to bounce up and down, and he began yelling"oh!, oh! oh my goodness! Look at that, there's going to be a time out. Come on, come on." He reaches down and scratches his eyebrow. "uh, hold on to that." The game is getting close to an end."Thats a first down, they can still win this game, if they just get a touchdown, wheowowooowowo ya ya, they did it, its not over yet, Brady still has time to get a field goal to tie it up. This is good, it's finally getting exciting." He says as he shakes his fist in the air. "28 seconds", then "he could have got the interception" then oooohhh, he just got sacked." He switches his eyebrow rubbing to the left side. "that was stupid, why aren't they going for ten or twenty yard pickups?" "fourth and twenty" "oooohhhweheeeheh can you believe it, the patriots after going undefeated" He shakes his head and says" so new england didn't do it, then laughs" hehehhe, cheaters never prosper!" yet there was no noticeable movement made with the end of the game.
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3 comments:
Fun topic! First, let's get some paragraph breaks in there to make this easier to read.
"As a commercial comes on he begins to laugh." What commercial? What, specifically did he laugh at? What did the laugh sound like?
I think you have done an excellent job of creating a narrative for this event. So much so that it even has a little "a-ha" moment at the end where we are led to conclusions about his habits by the lack of motion on his part.
At the same time, I think a lot more detail could have been given, I'm actually confused a bit about the time span as well. Is this a description of the entire Superbowl event or simply the last few minutes. If it is the former, I assume there is a lot we are not hearing about. It seems as if you focus on physical description at one point (eating) and verbal at another (last 30 sec of the game).
Perhaps picking a smaller amount of time and focusing on a complete description of both may lead to a fuller understanding of, at least, one specific instance.
Very fun to read, regardless.
Well, you forgot a ton of capitals and periods and punctuation, but we'll let that slide. Isn't it funny how actually watching and writing down stuff about a normal person do normal things is immediately funny and makes them seem extra lazy and comical, even though your dad didn't seem worthy of observation, it turns out he was!
Hey Jon- Nice post! A few suggestions might be to look over your post and add periods and other punctuation. Breaking up some of the sentences might make it easier to read. Your detail is good. Maybe a couple of links or pictures might help us to understand who we are looking at or what your dad is seeing. Overall it is very good!
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